Notes of my deadlock...

#1
even though i've known the root of many mistakes in my logic,
still, i found another mistakes...
it doesn't make sense...
or may be the way i reflecting myself is wrong...
then how i must react?
then how i solve this problem?

#2
the root of my chronic procastination habit is my "perfectionist habit" that wrapped by pessimism...
then, what should i solve first?
my pessimism?
my perfectionist habit?
or straight to my procastination problem?

#3
i'm a realist, so turning my pessimism to optimism is impossible if there no real example of successfull optimism...
unfortunately what i see everyday is a bad example of people that infected by "super optimism delusions"...
his dream is badly out of sight, so it naturally troubling me as a realist to keep up with his action as my leader...

#4
facing my procrastination habit straightly is a bad idea...
i've try it and failed miserably...

#5
the last option is to get rid of my perfectionist habit..
i have an idea to do my job imperfectly and adapt with others reaction..
i wanna proof that my "fear of mistakes" is just my delusion...
but..
what if i makes fatal mistake that cannot be cured when doing that step?

#6
this is my deadlock...
i have dark past, i've been trained to aim for the best but never trained to correcting mistakes nor get up when failed...
not all children fortunate enough to have parents that teach that...
humpft...

but, not all children fortunate enough to have parents that teach how to thought as deep as me...
:')

#7
so, i chose that "risk"...
(Insya Allah)
no progress that can be gained without risk...

and anybody that knows me,
please help me avoid making fatal mistakes..
(include mistakes that i made when writing this notes)
i'm not alone in this world right?

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